I Couldn't Stop Myself
by CassyR5
Summary: "Maybe there is such thing as perfect after all." All the times Ally thought of her and Austin as something more. Four-Shot.
1. i

**Summary: "He's turning out to be a much better friend than she pegged him for." All the times Ally thought of her and Austin as something more. Potentially a four-shot.**

**A/N: Somehow while listening to the song "Caught Myself" by Paramore, I was inspired to write this story. I honestly have no idea how, as the song is pretty much the complete opposite of this, but it did. And I happen to be pretty pleased with its turnout so far. So yeah.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Austin &amp; Ally or "I Caught Myself" by Paramore, which is where I got the idea for the title, even though it's not taken directly from the song.**

* * *

_i'm gonna make you do a double take_

It's the first time she's ever shared the piano bench with someone else and she's not gonna lie, she didn't realize just how small the benches are until now. He's pressed up right against her side from shoulder to knee and it's a little constricting, this closeness. Especially with someone she's known all of two days. But at the same time it's not horribly uncomfortable.

They're playing the bridge to the song they're trying to finish and neither of them are paying attention as they reach for the same key. Their fingers lightly touch, but it's enough to cause them both to jump in shock at the unexpected contact (even if they are already sitting directly beside each other with no personal space). She quickly glances up at him, and when she meets his gaze, has to look away to hide the reddening of her cheeks. How is it possible that he managed to make her blush from such a trivial form of contact? She accidentally touches strangers hands all the time at work, what with handing over change or helping out with an instrument. It shouldn't be that big of a deal. But something tells her that this may have more to do with the person she's with than the action. She quickly moves on from this. Better to get this song done and over with and maybe she'll never have to worry about him again.

_pull the plug_

She doesn't keep the piano he got her. Especially with what she's about to do.

She scheduled their songwriting session for 4, but she has something else planned. See, after knowing and working with Austin for a couple of weeks, she's learned something about them. And the something she learned is that they are nothing alike. And not just personality wise, but in their songwriting styles as well. Besides the fact he can't write, of course. But half the stuff she writes he finds boring. And it's been taking her so long to finish this next song. Part of that is due to the fact she wants to call it quits. Cancel the whole ordeal, because she's not sure how long they'll last, anyway.

But he walks in five minute later, and seeing his face she knows she can't do it. He looks too happy, excited to hear what she has planned for his music. As much as she struggles with writing for someone like him, someone so unlike herself, she's not sure she can crush his dreams. Not when she knows what that feels like.

So she puts on a smile for him and gets working. Maybe she'll be able to find a way to make this better in the future.

_it's not a love song_

When Dez tells her the reason behind Austin's odd behaviour is because he thinks she likes him, right away she feels embarrassed. Angry that he read her personal and private songbook, but also embarrassed.

How could he assume based off such vague descriptions that she has a crush on him? She was sure they established at least once that they were nothing more than friends and music partners. To develop a crush would be wrong, and frankly, she'd be lying if she said she wasn't at least a little worried about how it could affect them as friends. Who knows how many friendships have been diminished because of romance?

When she asks him later why he was so worried about her feelings, she's almost afraid it has something to do with her herself, and not them as friends. But when he tells her the same thing, that he didn't want to ruin their friendship, she's glad. She tries not to think about how differently things could've been if she actually _did_ have feelings for him. How much it might've changed them. She ignores this thought. She doesn't like him like that, and she's just happy to know that they're okay (she's also happy they managed to write a song out of this fiasco, but mostly about them).

_sometimes we collide_

She's a little surprised when he doesn't tell her he didn't like the song. She always assumed he was the type of person to say whatever's on his mind. But it seems he cares more about her feelings than she thought.

She's glad when he decides they should hang out more. When she thinks about it, they've been partners for a few months now and yet they don't really know each other all that well. It's about time they finally get to know one another.

Of course, while hanging out with him, she finds out that they're a lot more different than she had anticipated. She knew they were pretty different right from the start (it was increasingly obvious with each day), but besides music, she's not sure they have anything else in common.

But she also learns that despite their multitude of differences, they get along really well. Yeah, he may prefer horror movies to cloud watching, but maybe their differences is what makes them work. And she likes hanging out with him, even if one of them ends up falling asleep doing the other's favourite activity. It's just their friendship now, and she doesn't want to change it.

_spread my colourful wings_

She's honestly surprised when he steps up on the stage and interrupts her embarrassing attempt at performing again. His career is at stake, why would he be willing to face such ridicule for the sake of her dignity? It wouldn't be the first time something embarrassing happened to her, that's for sure.

But then he tells her how he'd rather lose his career due to a crazy hater than have her suffer from it. In his eyes, none of this is her fault, even if the reason behind this mess is because Tilly doesn't know how to let go of the past (who keeps a grudge for 10 years, anyway?).

And so he proceeds to sing her butterfly song for her, and she doesn't even try to ignore the warm feeling growing in her chest as he does.

_i will always stay by your side forever_

She's starting to think she's going to have to get used to the idea of him putting her before his career when he decides to dance with her at Trish's party. She's not even sure why; it's not like finally getting that first dance was such a big deal to her (secretly it was, but she decides to keep this to herself). And adding in the fact that he thinks this is more important than getting a chance to perform at clubs around the country makes her smile all the more. He's turning out to be a much better friend than she pegged him for.

_i'm a total surprise_

There he goes, putting her before his career again, and still she didn't see it coming. In her defense, she never expected to hear her own voice being the one to sing her own songs coming from the radio at all, so the whole thing is surprising. It doesn't help when she ends up being told to come perform live the following Friday, but it's the thought that counts, right?

Of course, the whole thing turns into a mess when Austin comes up with the idea to have Trish step in for her while she sings backstage. She's used to Dez's weird behaviour, but a mouse in his pants? Really?

But then Austin tells her that it doesn't matter if the world will never know how talented she is because he will, and everything is right again. She's known this boy all of a few months and somehow her world is managing to turn upside down for the better. Although, she's sure she'll never get used to how sweet he's turning out to be.

_we only got time for each other_

She's becoming increasingly mad at him when he keeps missing practices. How are they supposed to be partners if he doesn't even show up to rehearse? He tries to apologize, but it's just not enough anymore. She needs to see he's committed to this, or else maybe it's time to forget about it (she doesn't tell him this, of course, but she feels she definitely hints at it).

It doesn't get much better when the mall thief steals one of the guitars from the store and the cameras just so happen to catch Austin being the one to do so. And when she confronts him the only thing she gets out of him is his embarrassing middle name (she would've laughed if she wasn't so disappointed). But later that same day he returns the guitar with Bruno Mars' signature on it, and suddenly she's the guilty one for honestly thinking he would've stolen it. He quickly lets go of this, but she still feels she may have hurt him in some way.

It really doesn't help when the mall workers decide to come and find Austin at the store. And then Pirate Frank says something about Austin being her 'matey' and somehow the word sticks in her mind all night afterwards. It shouldn't mean much, especially in their current predicament. Besides, pirates call everyone matey. But a small part of her can't help but look at it from a different perspective. Matey may be used to describe friends, but it's also used to describe two people in a relationship. She wonders which definition Pirate Frank was using.

Matey. She pushes the word to the back of her mind, but it never fully leaves - in fact, it makes a bit of a reappearance when Austin gives her that calendar and basically says his time is all hers. She's beginning to hate the word now.

_stop hiding out in the shadows_

She's surprised at how willing he was to tell her such a deep secret of his. She's even more surprised with herself when she realizes that she trusts him enough to do the same. She's never fully explained to anyone how and why she has stage fright, and she finds it oddly refreshing when she's finally able to talk about it. His reaction may not be the best one she could've expected (she already knows how much it's getting in the way of her dreams, thank you very much), but if it helps him get over his own fear, it's worth it.

_i can get your heart beat beating like that_

She's been trying to write this love song for Austin for hours and she's not sure why it's taking so long.

Love songs are supposed to come so easy to her! She loves love, this song shouldn't be any different. Even if the information Austin gave her wasn't all that informative. But still. She's used to writing love songs based off ideas made purely from scratch in her mind; surely a little bit of help should make things easier.

But as she continues to sit struggling at the piano for the words to flow, for another idea, for _something_, she finds herself wondering if the lack of ideas isn't the only thing holding her back. Because for the first time since becoming Austin's songwriter, he's asking her to write him a love song. And for the first time since being a songwriter herself, she's never had to write a love song based off someone else's feelings. And for the first time ever, she can't think of a single word to put down on the piece of paper in front of her.

She looks at the notes she took from when she talked to Austin, and finally something comes to mind. But it isn't a song idea. It's another potential reason for her struggle. She's never given it much thought, but what if the reason she can't write a love song for him is because it isn't really _for_ him? Yeah, it's for him to sing, but to sing to another girl. For once, he won't be looking at her as he sings her lyrics to the crowd.

The second she thinks this she knows it's true. But why? Why is she feeling this way? She certainly wants to be happy Austin's finally found a girl he really likes. And there's nothing wrong with Cassidy - other than the fact she won't go out with Austin, but that's a minor detail. Yet, it's a minor detail that seems to make her feel happier than she should.

Suddenly the word jealous flashes through her mind. Jealous? Of Cassidy? But that's impossible. Her and Austin are just friends, why would she feel jealous of him liking a different girl? Especially when she's never once wanted to _be_ that girl. Even now.

She shakes her head to get rid of these thoughts. She needs the room to think of lyrics, not silly thoughts about her and Austin. With one more glance at her notes, she sets her pencil to paper and writes what she can.

_don't forget that i got your back_

When it's clear he's unable to hit the high note in his new song, a part of her feels as if she may have pushed him too much when recording it. But then again, it may have just been something that would've happened eventually anyway, so she tries to focus on helping him get better.

But it only seems to get worse when they find out the problem, and that trying to fix it may damage his voice. It's either no surgery but unable to sing certain notes or surgery and risk no singing at all. She's afraid for him to risk such a thing. They all are. But he tells her he doesn't know what he'd do if he couldn't sing her songs, and it makes her smile. Singing in his life, yes, but the fact he's also willing to risk this for her, too, somehow makes it seem like there's more to lose without trying. And when all goes well and he _finally_ lands that record deal, she thinks maybe life's a little better when you take some risks.

_it's no fun when you're doin' it solo_

The first thing she feels is happiness. She finally got accepted to the school of her dreams, how could she not feel happy? But then Trish mentions how it's in Miami, and suddenly her happiness fades. They think MUNY is in Miami? Is that why they were so willing to let her go? Because they assumed she'd still be in town?

She decides to deliver the news concerning the school the only way she knows best. Austin's the first one to say something about it, and it breaks her heart how sad he looks when he does. She tries to ignore the own heartbreak she feels when he protests at her going. Doesn't he understand how important this is to her? He finally has his own career going, shouldn't he at least be the one to understand how desperately she wants this? And how he should be able to let her go? She won't lie, she's a little disappointed all her friends assumed she wouldn't go because of location reasons. It's her dream school; how could she possibly throw that opportunity away?

But then Austin sings her that amazing song as his album release party, despite Jimmy's protests. And the video her friends put together to say goodbye... It makes her realize just how much she's going to miss them in New York. But as the video ends and Austin concludes his speech to her, it hits her that, in a way, she's already living her dream. She's making music with her friends, what more could she want in life? MUNY can wait. For now, she's just glad she can do what she loves surrounded by the people she loves.

* * *

**So yeah. This is technically the first chapter of what I'm planning to be a four-shot, so one chapter per season. The update schedule will probably be a bit of a mess, then, since I can only post the one for season 2 now and pretty soon season 3, but I have no idea when season 4 will end, so...yeah. We'll just have to wait and see. And thanks for reading! :)**


	2. ii

**Summary: All the times Ally thought of her and Austin as something more. Four-shot.**

**A/N: You know, I'm gonna be completely honest - I forgot this story existed. But then I was looking at my story list on the site and realized that I haven't finished this, so. Here I am with the second chapter, and no promises of when the third will be up. But yeah.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Austin &amp; Ally or anything else you might recognize.**

* * *

_there's no turning back_

She'd be lying if she said she wasn't at least a little bit scared to be performing on stage in front of an audience after so long. But with this newfound confidence from tonight and Austin right next to her, she's sure she's going to be just fine.

And she's right. She doesn't remember much about what it felt like to perform, but she's positive it didn't feel like this. She almost felt like a completely different person as she sang, hitting every note. And performing with her best friend is something she never knew how badly she wanted until now. Hearing their voices together in the practice room is one thing, but on an actual stage in front of actual people, it's a whole new level. And she loves every minute of it. And when Dez suggests later that she can perform with Austin now, a part of her can't wait for the day she can do so without a mask on.

_ain't no second guessing _

It isn't the first time someone has brought up the idea of them being a couple, but it's the first time she did so willingly, and right after she's not sure that was such a good idea. His expression becomes awkward, and he says something about that being weird, which she agrees to. But thinking about it, she's not so sure she _can_ agree. Thinking about it, them as a couple seems...almost normal, expected. Right.

But she just shakes her head at this. Her and Austin can't be anything more than music partners and best friends. A relationship would just complicate things. She tries to ignore the slight disappointment she feels at this thought. There are more important concerns at the moment besides a potential relationship with her best friend.

_i'm doing the best i can_

She genuinely feels happy for him when he finally gets a girlfriend. She's...different from other girls, but he seems happy, and that's what matters.

She's surprised at how willingly he blows off dates with her for this magazine cover, though. In her mind, she always thought you were supposed to put love first. It could be the fact that his career is at stake, but Brooke was still his girlfriend. And when he didn't invite her to the glow-in-the-dark party at Sonic Boom, she was really unsure about the relationship. But it's none of her business. Even if she is his best friend, his relationships are still something only he really needs to know about (though it doesn't stop her from really questioning it when he's willing to give up the magazine cover for her sake).

_now i can't believe my eyes_

She's not gonna lie, the idea of Austin singing a song written by someone other than her doesn't make her all that happy. But Jessie seems like a nice girl, and one song couldn't hurt.

But then Trish suggests they sing a duet.

Familiar feelings make their way into her stomach, and suddenly she's a little mad Trish would suggest something like that. The idea of Austin singing with someone else, working on music with someone else, kind of bothers her. She understands that as a growing artist, he's bound to work with different musicians from time to time, but...a part of her assumed that wouldn't come until later, maybe even after she was well on her way to fame, too.

She hopes the day she can perform with him again comes sooner rather than later.

_this wasn't gonna be no ordinary day_

When Kira cancels her date with Austin due to a misinterpretation of their friendship, a part of her feels she should've seen this coming. People seem to mistake her and Austin for a couple more and more now, and she's not sure what to do about it.

She starts with the easiest person's mind to fix. By helping Austin land a date with Kira again, maybe she can prove to Kira that her and Austin are nothing more than best friends and partners. And maybe once Austin finally has a girlfriend, other people will start to see that she's not someone who goes by the name of Ally Dawson.

It's harder than she thought to get him to understand what kind of date Kira would like, but eventually she manages. When he suggests to get her a necklace like her own, she's a little taken aback. His girlfriend and best friend having similar necklaces would be an interesting sight.

And then they move on to the more romantic part of the date, acting out what could work. But when he slides in close and puts his arm around her, immediately something is off. She continues to go along, leaning her head on his shoulder, but she feels nervous doing so. And when they both realize how perfect this would be, it hits her how perfect it already is. Right here in the practice room with Austin. And when she lifts her head off his shoulder and meets his giddy gaze and nervous grin, she frowns. Because she now knows why everything feels off. Why she's been feeling jealous or attached or upset when it came to him. It's always been there, but she would never let herself see it. She likes him. She likes Austin.

The first person she tells is Trish, obviously, who reacts greatly. She senses she may have seen this coming, but she doesn't ask. And then Trish suggests she tells Austin her feelings. How crazy is that? She realized how she felt while practicing a date for him _and another girl_. Clearly he doesn't feel the same way, or else he wouldn't even bother with Kira anymore. Better to keep the feelings a secret to save possible embarrassment and the loss of one of the greatest friends she's ever had.

It doesn't help when she finds out she put the wrong necklace in the basket. So much for trying to prove to Kira she doesn't like him (she knows differently now, but that's not the point). Interrupting their date doesn't seem like the best idea, but it's the only thing they can do - especially when it's already falling apart on it's own, anyway. How could it possibly get worse? (Dez saw to that.)

She can't ignore how happy she feels at the thought of knowing the date was a disaster. She may not be able to tell him how she feels, but at least she won't have to worry about some other girl being in the way of her chances if that day ever does come. But then him and Kira walk in talking about second dates, and her hopes are dropped. At least Kira doesn't think she likes Austin anymore.

A part of her wishes that was still true.

_there's no way to hide it_

When Trish says Austin must like her back, the first thing she wants to do is deny it. They've been trying to deny these feelings for each other since they first met, what are the odds they'd _both _end up falling for each other?

But when she thinks about his behaviour these past few days since Elliot showed up, she knows it's true. As someone who's experienced jealousy firsthand before, she recognizes the signs. And Austin's been jealous of Elliot since the day he got here.

Despite the fact she now knows he feels the same, it still takes her by surprise when he tries to kiss her the same night while songwriting. She almost couldn't stop him; when their hands touched, it somehow brought back the memory of the first time this happened, and how different it felt. It feels different now, too, and when she looks over at him next to her and he starts leaning in, a part of her wanted to follow along until they met in the middle. But she stopped herself, for she didn't know if he still felt the same about Kira. And boy drama was the last thing she wanted to get involved in.

_it's the moment that you know_

She hates how awkward everything is between them.

She can't deny it; the tension between them is so thick it could be cut through with a knife. Neither of them have yet acknowledged their feelings for each other, but writing this song she can tell it's there. And apparently so obvious even her mother notices when she comes home from Africa. As much as she'd appreciate talking about it with her, she puts it to the side for now. Austin still has his own decision to make about Kira. And then maybe they can talk it out.

But it turns out there won't be any talking it out. She was so happy that day from finally deciding it was time to perform without the mask on, she almost forgot about the whole Austin thing. But then she overhears him telling Dez about how great Kira is, and it all comes rushing back. And she hates to admit how much it hurt to hear him say that.

The pain goes away, though, as it becomes replaced with the overwhelming fear of performing again. She knows she can do this. But the fear of failure becomes too much, and then she ends up running off stage when her mom calls her name. She couldn't help it.

But then her mom talks to her, and her confidence comes back. She can do this. And when Austin comes to try to talk to her, too, she knows all the more that she's capable of performing again. Because with him by her side, what _can't_ she do?

Performing she knows she can. They sing their duet amazingly, and somehow she manages to forget she's even performing in front of an audience at all. She just has to look at him, and it's like they're back in the practice room, just the two of them and the music. But then the song ends and the audience starts clapping and she almost has to forcefully tear her gaze away from his. And there's a new feeling present in her, one that wasn't caused by Austin, but is there because of him. Her stage fright is gone.

They run backstage excitedly, happy she's finally over her stage fright. She feels so incredible, that she's capable of anything right now. It seems they both are, as he tells her he can do anything as long as he's with her, and then their gazes meet again and her feelings for him escalate and she suddenly finds herself leaning in and then they're kissing.

It's her first kiss and she honestly couldn't have imagined it any better. It's with the perfect person and at the perfect moment after a perfect performance. It's perfect.

They're both in a little shock after, but his eyes are shining and she's pretty sure her's are, too, and she thinks that maybe this could be the start of something new for them until it all comes crashing down as Kira walks in talking about being his girlfriend.

So much for perfect.

_how long till i stop pretending _

She gets out of there quickly, wanting to put as much distance between herself and that kiss. It seems he already made his decision beforehand, anyway, so what's the point in staying to listen to his protests?

But then he tries talking to her the next day about it, telling her how great and magical it was, and she almost wants to go for it. But he's still with Kira, and she's not into cheating. So she leaves. Let him deal with this while she moves her focus on to more important things.

But he just won't let it go. He tells her he broke up with Kira, but the magazines say otherwise. He tries to catch her at school, but she's busy with her career. The final straw is when he interrupts the party her parents threw her for getting over her stage fright to show her the piano he got her. Maybe now he'll know that trying to parachute an inanimate object is not the best idea.

She's hoping he finally understands that she just wants to move on when she hears it - her song being played on the guitar from the direction of the practice room. And when she looks up and sees him standing there with that grin and eyes only for her, she knows she's a goner. He walks down the stairs singing her song in front of everyone, letting them all know he feels the same way, and she can't stop herself from getting up and meeting him in the middle. She tries to tell him afterward how she really feels, and that she no longer wants to forget about it, but he stops her, and so she just hugs him, and they both know they're on the same page (quite literally, as only a few days later they're on the front cover of Cheetah Beat).

Maybe there is such thing as perfect after all.

_we were never the same_

It seems perfection has a time limit and somehow they go from happy to awkward in a matter of days. They're both nervous on the first date with nothing to talk about other than how cool something is, and suddenly there's tension again.

Why does it have to be like this? All she wants is a happy relationship with her best friend, and instead she gets extreme awkwardness? They can't even write a decent song, for goodness sake! It shouldn't be like this. But somehow it is, and she's not sure what to do about it.

It's when he suggests maybe they should just go back to being friends at the song pitch that she knows he's right. They end up in the practice room like always and it seems to her that they just can't be themselves in this relationship right now, and there's a chance it's only going to get worse. So they go back to being friends and partners, and she likes to think she's happy.

For the time being, though, she'd be lying if she said she didn't regret it one bit.

_what do you do?_

She didn't quite realize just how time consuming it could be to be a songwriter for two people until she has four songs to write within a week. She has a demo to record and he needs a new song for Tuesday and there just doesn't seem to be enough time for her to do both. She's glad he wants to try writing himself for the first time, but she still feels bad.

The song turns out to be not so great, though, and it only makes her feel worse. He doesn't have a song to perform and there's not enough time to whip up a new one, so they're stuck. She can't say she doesn't appreciate it at least a little bit when a bear decides to show up just before he's supposed to perform his real new song - it did give her a chance to use some of her favourite bear puns - but she still can't get rid of the fact that it could've been avoided if she's just written him something.

And then he tells her that he understands that she has music of her own to work on now but that he'll always need her, and she can't not smile at that. A small part of her may have been worried that if she couldn't get something done for him in time, he may just end up finding a new songwriter. But it seems he still needs her, and she knows she still needs him, too.

_i'll do whatever it takes_

She's honestly surprised when Jimmy decides to drop Austin from his label. It was an honest mistake, and losing a record deal because of it seems too much. But she doesn't lose out on hope. She's sure they can get Jimmy to see reason and take him back ASAP.

But nothing they seem to do works, and suddenly she's stuck with choosing between what's more important - her personal song or his record deal. She's a little shocked when she realizes the decision is a no-brainer; she can always write another song, but it's not so easy to get another record deal. So she talks to Kira about giving her the song in return for her to talk to her dad, and she hopes to God that it works. But instead, she ends up performing her own song (thank you, Kira) _and_ Kira still talks to her dad about the record deal.

She's ecstatic when Jimmy offers Austin his record deal back, but then he turns it down for her to get her own deal, and she swears no one has ever sacrificed so much for her before. Jimmy then offers her one, too, and they're both happy. She's still thinking, but she's sure it wouldn't be so bad for her and Austin to work under the same label. As long as they're working together.

_i'm pleading guilty_

Immediately she wants to know who the song is about. She can't help it; it's a love song, who _wouldn't_ want to know who he wrote it about?

It seems the whole world does and she's not the only one people are thinking of. He's had other girlfriends, she reminds herself. It could be about anybody.

But then it seems it might not matter who he wrote about when suddenly he's being sued by Val for stealing the song and his career is on the line. Trish thinks him admitting who the song is about will give them the upper hand they need to win, but he won't budge.

But then he performs the song and not once does he look in her direction and Trish knows what this means. He _did_ write it about her, and maybe he still likes her, but they're still just friends - even if she can't help but feel glad that he picked her to write his first song about.

_no matter what you do_

She never thought he'd find out about her questioning of their partnership. It seems telling Trish wasn't exactly the best idea. But his reaction seems to be a bit much; why is it so hard for him to understand her worry when he knows how different they are? And they're still partners now, so there should be no harm done, right?

Except harm ends up done not only to him but to her as well when she finds out he had his own secret concerning their partnership. It seems she had a right to worry about him looking for someone new when she didn't have the time to write for him, after all. His anger at her is one thing, but he tried to replace her as his songwriter! How is she supposed to forgive him for something like that?

Suddenly they can't get anything done for this movie, what with them constantly fighting about every little thing that comes up. But she just feels betrayed by him, absolutely shocked that he would even consider writing with someone else.

And then Trish and Dez decide to have them reenact the scene where she got over her stage fright and a part of her knows what they're up to. She remembers very well what happened that night, and she wouldn't be surprised if they're using that to their advantage.

The song ends up bringing back all the memories and feelings of that night, and when they kiss they get lost in each other. She forgets about the camera and her friends and the anger she was feeling, only knowing Austin. Then something tugs in the back of her mind that they're being filmed, and so they stop. She'd be lying if she said she didn't enjoy herself, and she might be telling the truth if she said she wished Trish and Dez and the camera weren't there and she was alone with Austin. But even if she did want that (which she doesn't, she swears), her and Austin are only friends and partners, and they can't be anything more.

_praying there's a chance you still believe _

She's ecstatic when she finds out she's performing before Austin at his Miami show on his tour. And when Ronnie Ramone offers her a record deal afterwards, she's sure her life can't get any better than this (pun intended). But then he tells her she has to start the next day, aka the same day as Austin's tour begins, and she's stuck. How can she possibly take up this record deal if it means missing Austin's tour? But how can she go on the tour if it means losing this once in a lifetime opportunity?

She's a little mad when Trish hits it on the head that she still likes Austin. But a part of her can't help but think that his feelings for her might change were she to miss his tour. She knows he'd understand if she stayed - she's wanted this forever - but that doesn't mean it won't be different between them.

He's so excited, of course, when he finds out about the deal. It's what she's always wanted and he's so proud. But his face falls when he hears she might not be able to go on tour and it breaks her heart all the more. She won't be the only one this decision will effect.

She thinks long and hard about it that night, and as much as she hates to say it, the decision is easy. Because as much as she wants to go on tour with Austin, as much as she's afraid to be apart from him for three months, she knows she can't let go of this opportunity. She'd lose too much.

She doesn't want to have to deliver the news, but she can't just let them leave without at least saying goodbye. She knows she's going to miss Dez and Trish a lot, but what she feels for Austin is so much stronger, and she's afraid she'll end up breaking down and changing her mind. It doesn't help when he runs back off the bus and she swears he almost tells her he loves her. But maybe she's just being hopeful.

She ends up reading the card he wrote her over and over that night. For a boy who claims he's not the best with words, it's the best thing she's ever read (she may be a little biased because it's directed towards her, but still). She only hopes she'll get a chance to use the plane ticket he left behind to visit. It may just make the separation a little less agonizing for the both of them.

* * *

**So there's the second chapter. I'll probably wait a bit to upload the third one, as I kinda wanna space out the updates somewhat equally since they're covering the entire series, and season four only just began. I'm also trying to work on other stories, so this isn't my main focus. But I'm hoping to have something up next month. So yeah. Thank you for reading! :)**


End file.
